A few months after my little boy turned three, we went to stay with Phuphee for a few weeks. He loved playing in her garden and we would go on all sorts of adventures in the apple orchard that sprawled behind the house. It was a wonderful time, or so it seemed until he would have a tantrum.

It would start with something insignificant like him dropping a ball, and from there on it would snowball into hours of crying and screaming. What frustrated me most about the situation was that no matter what I tried, nothing would help or soothe him. Sometimes after hours of trying to distract him, I would begin to get frustrated with myself and end up scolding him. At times, it worked, and while I was grateful that it did, something about the way it ended didn’t feel right. But, I knew of no other way to console him and dealing with that failure on my part was probably harder than dealing with his emotions.

We had been at Phuphee’s for about a week and a half, when one morning a young woman with a child around the same age as my little one walked in. We were having breakfast. Phuphee had made malai tchot (malai roti), which my little boy loved. She asked the woman to sit down and join us, and then asked what she could do for her.

‘Yemis maeynyis bachas haz chu jinn tchaamut, shaayad ches nazar. Amyis deetav taeveez, ye gatchihaa theek [this little boy of mine has been possessed by a jinn, or maybe someone has given him the evil eye. Please give him a taveez so he can get better],’ she said.

Phuphee asked what exactly the matter was. The woman explained that he never listened, got angry about the smallest of things, and generally behaved like a rogue dictator. Phuphee smiled at her and asked her to come into the orchard, where I could see her talking to the woman and picking apples at the same time. After about half an hour or so, the mother and son duo left with a dozen red apples.

When Phuphee returned, I asked her what taveez (spiritual prescription) she had given them because I felt that I could probably do with one, too.

‘I told her to try making malai without boiling the milk,’ Phuphee replied.

I looked at her, confused. My little one was sitting in the corner playing with the dishes and pretending to make breakfast. Phuphee sat with her box of cigarettes, playing with them, taking them out, but not lighting them.

‘You still haven’t figured it out, have you?’ she asked.

‘The greatest responsibility you will perhaps have as a parent is to hold space for the difficult emotions your child will have. It is easy to accept your child when they are happy or even sad, but what brings real discomfort to a parent is when their child shows anger and frustration. Do you understand what I am saying?’

I thought about it and wondered if my son’s anger made me uncomfortable, and she was right. I had navigated a range of emotions with him, but it was always his anger and frustration that defeated me. And no matter what I tried, I didn’t know how to deal with it.

‘Myoan gaash [light of my eyes], anger is not the same as disrespect, remember that. Anger is simply anger. Frustration is simply frustration. You cannot stop your children from having either, but you can teach them how to deal with them.’

I sat there looking at Phuphee, and my son, and thinking about how she had dealt with my anger when I was little. I remembered her dropping down to her knees to look me in the eyes, whispering, when I too was shouting like a rogue dictator. At the time, I hadn’t understood what she was trying to do, but I knew my anger had dissipated. It was only now, sitting with her here, that I understood that she never tried to distract me from my anger. On the contrary, she let me feel it, but then helped me work my way out of it.

‘You know when I had my first child and she got to the stage of throwing tantrums I too felt frustrated. I tried disciplining her in all the usual ways, but all it did was make her afraid of me. I knew that there had to be a different way. I went back to Mitrigam [her maternal village] and spoke to Aapa. She said, ‘Taahira, in exactly the moments you want to yell is when you should lower your voice. You are the shore against whom the waves of all their emotions must break sometimes, so that they may know the strength of their own emotions and ultimately learn how to tame them. The gentler you are with them now, the gentler they will be with themselves and the world tomorrow.’

I sat there trying to gather everything she had just said and what Aapa had said to her. When we returned home, I put Phuphee’s advice into practice and often imagined myself as a never ending coastal shore and my son’s tantrums as waves breaking against me. There are still times when I fail but those are far and few in between, and as I have learned to navigate his difficult emotions, it has turned out exactly as Phuphee said it would. He too is learning how to deal with his emotions.

Saba Mahjoor, a Kashmiri living in England, spends her scant free time contemplating life’s vagaries.

The recent terrorist attack in Pahalgam, Kashmir, has left everyone in a state of grief and shock. Reports claim that 26 people lost their lives in the brutal attack, and their families are still finding it hard to absorb what happened. Social media is packed with posts, with people and celebs from different walks of life expressing their profound grief and extending support and prayers to the mourning family. Bollywood-Hollywood star Priyanka Chopra has also taken to her social media handle to express her anguish.

Priyanka Chopra pens a poignant message over the Pahalgam attack

Highlighting the dreadful fact that innocent lives were lost at the hands of violence, the actress described the attack as “reprehensible.”
“What happened in Pahalgam is reprehensible. People were there on vacations, honeymoons, celebrating with their families. Just taking in the beauty of Kashmir. So many innocent lives were caught in a storm they never asked for. Targeted, right in front of their loved ones,” she wrote.
The emotional toll that this tragedy is taking on the whole nation, especially on those who lost their loved ones, is hard to describe in words. Yet the actress tried, and shared, “This heinous attack should shake the conscience of humanity. This will haunt us for a long time. To those grieving, displaced, mourning, and living in fear, my thoughts and prayers are with you.”
She concluded her post with the line – “I’m so deeply anguished by this.”

The Pahalgam attack

On Tuesday, unidentified gunmen created havoc at Pahalgam when they opened fire on a group of tourists. Their inhuman act of extreme violence left behind a trail of destruction and loss, as alongside the 26 people who lost their lives, many others sustained serious injuries. Not just this, reports claim that several families have been left shattered and displaced.
Reportedly, the assailants are believed to be a part of The Resistance Front, a splinter group of the prohibited terror organization Lashkar-e-Taiba (LeT), who targeted tourists in one of the most lethal terrorist incidents in Kashmir in recent years.

Thakare Naik with his works
| Photo Credit: Special Arrangement

There are numerous examples of differently-abled people who have overcome limitations to make a mark in their chosen field. Their struggles persist but they continue to pursue their passion. Here is one such inspiring artist, Thakare Naik, from the Lambada tribe, who found strength in art despite his physical limitations.

A freelance artist for 15 years, Thakare’s works have been exhibited as part of solo and group shows across India, including Hyderabad, Vadodara, Delhi and Kolkata. With meticulous attention to detail, his 16 mixed media works were showcased at the recently-held group show, ABC 6.0, in Bengaluru. Organised by Art Bengaluru Collective (ABC) at Rangoli Metro Art Centre, MG Road Metro Station, the multi-art exhibition featured works of 24 artists.

Tough childhood

Superhero in a caliper- Work by Thakare Naik
| Photo Credit:
Special Arrangement

Diagnosed with polio (right leg and a weak right hand) in his childhood, Thakare lived with his family — parents and three brothers — in Kalyanadurgam town of Anantapur district, Andhra Pradesh. That life was tough for him is an understatement as he grew up in extreme poverty.

Unable to take care of the disabled child, his father left him at a government hostel for the physically challenged. With no interest in education and facing neglect, Thakare took to begging to fend for himself. “I became carefree. I used to beg near the bus stand and hotels and later spend the money to eat or watch movies. I thought this was the only world for me,” Thakare recalls.

This continued for 10 years until his brother and father found him at a market one day, brought him home and enrolled him in a school in Thimmapur.

Interest in art

pen drawing by Thakare Naik
| Photo Credit:
Special Arrangement

Watching his teacher’s son Sudhakant practice art sparked an interest in Thakare to express creatively. He began drawing Science diagrams for his friends and soon became popular. The crutches he received in Anantapur also gave him a new life, as he could travel to other cities. After a four-year course in Tirupati, he came to Hyderabad to pursue Bachelor of Fine Arts (BFA) from Telugu University. “During the interview, the teachers wondered if I will complete my degree,” recalls Thakare. But he did and went on to pursue Master of Arts (MFA) from Viswa Bharati University in Santiniketan.

Assistive products

Electricity lines supported on crutches… work by Thakare Naik
| Photo Credit:
Special Arrangement

Thakare expressed his feelings through art and many paintings done at Santiniketan were based on his life. Also, different assistive products — crutches, calipers, wheel chair, walkers, knee ankle foot orthosis, prosthetic devices etc became narrative elements in his works.

Be it an artwork of a superhero in a caliper standing tall between two buildings or a painting showing electricity lines supported by crutches, they are powerful statements on the positive impact of assistive devices. “One needn’t be born disabled. Physical disability can happen any time, either by accidents or illnesses, or, in the case of armed force personnel, on the battlefield. It is natural to feel depressed, but these devices can give a new life.”

work by Thakare Naik
| Photo Credit:
Special Arrangement

The 46-year-old artist does not like to replicate imagery from photographs. He draws inspiration from his surroundings and paints on different themes. Although there are financial constraints, Thakare’s artistic journey continues with the same passion. He hopes to document the vibrant Lambadi embroidery, their festivals and unique wedding traditions through his art. “Disability is not the end of the world. It applies to only a body part while our mind is perfect. We can use it to create art.”