A bright student since school, B Bal aswamy, now deputy commissioner of police (East zone), thought academics would be a cakewalk, until he took the first UPSC exam. He talks about the failures that hit him, and how resilience helped him bounce back
I had always dreamed of becoming an IPS officer. However, a string of failures in UPSC exams led me to believe that I had let everybody around me down.
The unending failures were crushing, more so because I was a topper since childhood. Right from school to my master’s degree that I pursued from University of Hyderabad — I was ahead of my batchmates. But then I decided to take UPSC examination, and a barrage of failures hit me. Right in my first attempt I realised that becoming an IPS officer wasn’t going to be easy. I failed my prelims.
It came as a rude shock, especially because it was my first academic failure.
SHORTCOMINGS
I didn’t know how to cope with it until my friends stepped in and helped me recover. With their support I managed to introspect and identify my shortcomings. I prepared for my second attempt. Though I managed to clear the UPSC prelims, I fell short in the mains. Another year down the drain, I thought to myself.
My confidence plummeted. I then analysed the mistakes I made in my first two attempts, and worked on correcting them. With great hopes, I took my third attempt. I fell short by a thin margin in my mains.
The cycle of failure, disappointment, analysing shortcomings, working on them, and then again losing in the mains or at the interview stage, continued. Staying patient and not losing hope had become a real struggle. All through this, I worked as an assistant professor of Mathematics at Osmania University (OU) and ensured I did my job diligently. I told myself to keep fighting.
DOWN TO THE LAST
With every attempt came renewed hope. It was in my fifth attempt that I finally found my name on the list of selected candidates. I had managed to get into the IRS.
Though it came as a relief — especially after so many years of failure — I knew my dream of donning the uniform was still not accomplished. I took another shot at the exam, but was restricted to IRS, again. I had one last attempt, and wanted to give it my all. I shut out all other voices advising me about the exam, and only relied on my assessment of myself. Eventually in 2018, I became an IPS officer.
Looking back, I feel consistency, ability to take mistakes in my stride and to learn from them, and a sense of gratitude towards everything I had in life, were key factors that helped me achieve the goal. It also instilled a sense of pride in me to be overseeing the same university campus — OU falls under my jurisdiction — where I once worked and dreamt of becoming an IPS.
GRATEFUL TO SISTER
I owe my education, life and success to my sister Lakshmi. In our childhood, we had cattle at home, which were taken care of by my grandfather. After he passed away, somebody had to take up that responsibility. So, my sister sacrificed not only her education, but now I realise, her whole life. Though she is illiterate, she knows the value of education and is providing a good education to both her daughters. By helping the
gir ls in their studies, I am doing my bit. I also take inspiration from the life of Dr BR Ambedkar, who despite fighting all odds, laid a new path for the downtrodden.
NOTE FOR STUDENTS
To students appearing for board exams, I want say, that even if you fail one test, remember there will be many opportunities coming your way to excel, and to become a good person. Success is based on continuous learning. So never stop learning.